Louisville Magazine is Louisville's city magazine, covering Louisville people, lifestyles, politics, sports, restaurants, entertainment and homes. Includes a monthly calendar of events.
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22 LOUISVILLE MAGAZINE 5.16 FAKE OR NULU? HAIKU REVIEW CITY IN A SENTENCE OVERHEARD THE BIT JUST SAYIN' By Jack Welch Illustration by Carrie Neumayer Like it or not, the days of copper-wire communication are all but over. A little bubbly with your hot chicken. Answer: NuLu! At Royals Hot Chicken on East Market Street, diners can pair their trendy fare — the latest foodie obsession that for decades went largely uncelebrated as a spicy specialty found only in Nashville's black, urban neighborhoods — with a $26 bottle of Prosecco. "Is this Bardstown Road?" — on East Market Street during NuLu Bock Beer Fest It's been 32 years since the frst true cellphone, the Motorola DynaTAC 8000X — which was about the size of a brick, barely held a 30-minute charge, stored just 30 phone numbers and cost slightly less than $4,000 — became commercially available. It was an amazing gadget, but its minute-to-minute reliability was questionable, offering little incentive to give up your landline. No, that inclination came a dozen or so years later, when those cute little choose-your-color Nokias began fooding the market — even sweetening the pot with a primitive, pre- loaded game called Snake. Hey, this is all I need in life — talking and a doodling- around distraction while I'm not. If only I could take a picture with it. A decade ago, nine out of 10 households had a landline; now it's down to one in two. And the Kentucky Legislature, which has been gradually deregulating telecommunications services since 2004, last year dismissed AT&T;'s longstanding requirement to install and maintain basic landline (meaning it uses copper-core telephone wires) service to urban areas with more than 15,000 households. Why was it ever a requirement? Here's one reason: its civic indispensability. Because it was an affordable utility for a wide spectrum of customers with registered addresses, it allowed emergency services to instantly pinpoint where a 911 call was coming from — something cell phones can't duplicate. But what's done is done. This is the way the new order wants it, even though there's a host of aesthetic and practical reasons to value landlines over cell phones. Like that they don't have to be recharged. And there are no "dropped" conversations. And their sound quality is better. And there's no social pressure to upgrade each year. And there's no constant compulsion to check for messages or look stuff up. And there's no accidental butt-dialing. And when you're thinking about calling and talking to someone, you don't give in to the easier, more effcient texting (in Hemingway-speak, with missing parts of speech) instead. And there's nothing vibrating in your pocket — although that might be a plus for some. And you don't risk your life and others' when you try to dig a ringing cell phone out of your pocket while driving. And when you're having a conversation with your 93-year- old mother, you're nestled in your home offce, concentrating on her without text buzzes poking at your son-to-mother attachment. And I've never been able to reconcile the discomfort of trying to squeeze a cell phone between my shoulder and jaw. None If By Land We'll call it: ANOTHER TRIPLE CROWN. Happy Retirement No Calvin Borel in the Kentucky Derby leaves space on the rail. Diameter (in feet) of the new disco ball at Fourth Street Live. 11