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time, a fellow named Flem Sampson, directed this group in 1931 to put together a great, nonpolitical brotherhood for the benefit of Kentucky and Kentuckians," Bastin says. Sev- eral states have similar honorary titles. Tere are the Rhode Island Commodores and the Nebraska Admirals, and several other states in the South have traditionally used the honor- ary Colonel title. None carries any military privileges today, contrary to what some may believe. Te Kentucky Colonels even list mis- conceptions about the award on their website, the most popular of which is that becoming a Colonel grants the recipient special benefits like free Derby tickets. Bastin tells me the total number of Ken- tucky Colonels is unknown, but they have 80,000 listed as "active" members. As far as the supposed ease of obtaining the honorary title these days, it only makes sense that the more people there are who have received Col- onel commissions, the more people have been recommended. Sure, there are some people recommended for being treasurer of their fra- ternity, but you should know that the letters stay stored away in Frankfort. As it turns out, the Honorable Order's pri- mary function is that of a charity, and there are annual events exclusive to Colonels who give to the organization's Good Works Pro- gram. And if you don't donate? "If a Colonel chooses not to participate in our charitable work, he/she would be moved to 'inactive' status," Bastin says. You won't be kicked out or demoted (that fate is reserved for people like the guy who got caught commissioning his dog), and you still have a really nice cer- tificate, can address yourself as a name-only Colonel (my favorite), and can claim an award that includes such famous fellow Colonels as Harlan Sanders, Muhammad Ali, Elvis, Bill Clinton, Betty White and Whoopi Goldberg. You might also notice that some of the aforementioned names don't belong to Ken- tuckians. Tat's because the sitting governor, who acts as the group's commander-in-chief, commissions all Kentucky Colonels with an executive order and may give people the title at his or her discretion. Unfortunately, my commission came too late in the year for me to make a donation and qualify for this month's Kentucky Colonels Day on Millionaire's Row at Churchill Downs (the invitations go out in May and tickets sell out fast), but I hope to make it next year. With 2,240 Colonels in at- tendance representing 35 states, Canada and Mexico, there's no telling whom I might meet. Keeping in line with my Facebook friend, I posted a photo of my certificate. Imme- diately, another friend, Foxy Shazam bass- ist Daisy Caplan, vowed to do something "Colonel-worthy" in the next six months so I could recommend him. "Being in a semi- popular rock band does not seem worthy of Colonel status," he said. "I wanna work for it." 11.12 LOUISVILLE MAGAZINE [15] www.westportvillage.com www.lmedfcu.org