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24 LOUISVILLE MAGAZINE 12.14 hree months after I moved to Louisville in the 1990s, I became a Kentucky Colonel. Te governor at the time, Paul Patton, sent me, the honorable John Carbone (his words), a certifcate proclaiming it so. What did I do to achieve such an honor? I was standing in line at a mufn shop and struck up a conversation with a man who happened to be a high-ranking member of the governor's staf. He took my contact information, and the certifcate was in my mailbox a week later (along with a brochure hawking kitschy accouterment like that famous Colonel Sanders bow tie). Over the years, I waited for my Romanesque features to grace the side of some building on one of those Hometown Heroes banners, à la Ali. Spalding University president Tori Murden McClure became the frst woman/American to row solo across the Atlantic Ocean, and I motorboat on the Ohio River most weekends in the summer, weather permitting. Diane Sawyer may have spent a career informing millions of TV viewers about the important issues of our time, but — well, you're reading this. Abit DEEPER T It has been almost two decades since I moved to Louisville, and I'm still waiting to become a Hometown Hero. Time to take matters into my own hands. Te Greater Louisville Pride Foundation is responsible for the Hometown Heroes project, but I started my quest with Tyler Allen, a friend who ran for mayor in 2010 and whose company prints the oversized portraits on 16-foot-wide inkjet printers, four of which take up considerable space at the USA Image Technologies plant in Jefersontown. Te cost associated with the printing process can vary widely. A 300-square-foot mural on a low wall can be worked up for less than $3,000, whereas the crane rental alone for the Diane Sawyer installation (3,000 square feet, cresting at 15 stories) on the Starks Building downtown was in excess of $10,000. "Smaller and lower is cheaper," Allen says, adding that he could print up a "poster- sized" portrait of me for about $200. I decided to fnd a building willing to grace its facade with my face. I enlisted the help of Monica Orr, a doyenne of Louisville realty and a quirky, bohemian resident of the Highlands, where she is also on the Architectural Review Committee for the Cherokee Triangle Historic Landmark District. We decided to pick a structure that cries out to be covered. Our obvious frst choice was the Galt House. Orr suggested we could enshroud the whole thing. Our second pick, although I know it has an impressive architectural provenance, was Kaden Tower, designed by William Wesley Peters, a student and son-in- law of Frank Lloyd Wright. Whenever I pass this structure, of I-264 near Breckenridge Lane, I think that Peters took a perfectly good building and decided, as an afterthought, to cover it in trivets. I contacted management at both sites to plead my case. I worked my way up the corporate ladder of the Galt House and spoke with the owner of Kaden Tower. It was not easy explaining why they should put up my portrait and how this addition would greatly improve the facade. Unfortunately, both properties declined my request. Finally, I decided to present my case to the Greater Louisville Pride Foundation. Needless to say, it did not go well. Mike Sheehy heads up the GLPF, and he is the sales manager for the billboard company CBS Outdoor. Hometown Heroes' origin story: Sheehy was involved with a committee tasked with honoring Ali in conjunction with the opening of the Muhammad Ali Center downtown a decade ago. With Sheehy's background in billboards, he suggested an oversized mural of the former champ. Te program has now honored 26 Louisvillians, from ballerina Wendy Whelan to jockey Pat Day to actor Victor Mature. I would not make No. 27. Te process, Sheehy explained, entails a nomination (by someone other than the potential nominee); a fundraising efort; and a commitment from an approved site before GLPF presents the project to the appropriate zoning boards for approval. I had met exactly none of the requirements necessary. In the end, though, I didn't fail completely. Te owner of Luigi's Pizzeria downtown, one of the restaurants I frequent as an "Eye-talian" in Kentucky, was kind enough to aford me space on his premises. I would never think to solicit the occasional free slice just because thousands of my fans fock to see the John's Louisville "mural." Selfie Centered By John Carbone A tongue-in-cheek campaign to become a Hometown Hero. Photo by Gail Kamenish