Louisville Magazine

DEC 2013

Louisville Magazine is Louisville's city magazine, covering Louisville people, lifestyles, politics, sports, restaurants, entertainment and homes. Includes a monthly calendar of events.

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Inter-office MEMO The ugly necktie. A cheese cutter. A bottle of cheap cologne. These are some of our least-favorite things — and, unfortunately, staples of bad holiday gifts. A cheese cutter? Really? Thanks, Cousin Jake, but do a guy a solid and make it a Starbucks gift card next time, would ya? We've all had them, those moments when the wrapping is torn away to reveal . . . OHMYGAWD!whatisthisthing?! . . . and you have to fake a warm smile or collegial laugh. Forget Hollywood. I submit that some of the greatest Oscar-worthy moments occur on Christmas morning. Kane Webb Editor What is the worst present you've ever received? A hand-knit sweater — powder-blue, mauve and white — with a boat neck. Silhouette of a skier on front and back. Gave it away at a yard sale as part of a 25cent purchase. Jack Welch Senior editor I never knew what a cobweb felt like until a relative gifted me a dandily wrapped box of anti-aging cream when I was 32 years old. She meant well and the stuff was damn expensive. So I should be appreciative. Especially considering the thong underwear she gave my sister as a congratulatory gift for delivering a nine-pound baby boy. Anne Marshall Senior writer I thought I was getting a trip from a then-boyfriend, which I thought would possibly lead to a proposal once we got there. The gift was in a stocking. I knew it was simply a piece of paper, so . . . a plane ticket? Voucher? It had to be big. I mean, we were living together and "at 10 LOUISVILLE MAGAZINE 12.13 that point" in our relationship.  So I pulled it out at Christmas and . . . a subscription to People Magazine. (And it wasn't even for a full year!) Merry Christmas. I still think this was worse than the set of knives I received two years ago from my husband for Valentine's Day. At least I could return those. Emily Douglas Advertising account executive An aunt gave me a roll of holiday toilet paper. She thought it was hilarious. Another knit a cap for me. It was suitable for a basketball, it was so enormous. I'm not sure what either was signaling by her gift. I'd like to think it was no more than excessive frugality, not that one thought I had a big head and the other that I was full of shit. Jenni Laidman Contributing writer Freshmen year of college. I'm far away from home, and dead broke. I'm living in a dorm with girls whose families visit them on weekends and take them shopping and out to dinner, while I'm working full-time to pay my way through school. Yes, I was jealous. I hadn't had a new outft, new shoes, new jacket or anything since I left for school. Fast-forward to Christmas morning at home. I wake up praying, "Cute clothes, please! New jeans, a new dress" — anything to make me feel adequate in comparison to the other girls. I'm opening presents. New gloves — OK, next. Scarf — great, next. Mom says, "Here's your big present." With uncontrollable anticipation, I tear it open, only to fnd a brand new set of . . . car mats. Car mats! What 19-year-old college girl wants car mats for Christmas? Was it a joke? Were these meant for my stepdad? Very pleased, Mom says, "I got you and your brother matching ones." Sorry, Mom, but, really — CAR MATS?! Mandy Wood Advertising account executive The day before Christmas break when I was 12, this girl I liked gave me a CD I wanted by rap group Mo Thugs. (I still know the lyrics to "Thug Devotion.") But she'd purchased the edited version, which meant there was no parental-advisory sticker, which meant there were no cuss words. Never would have worked out between us. Josh Moss Managing editor Half of my family are Texans and Texans looove Texas. One year I got a subscription to Texas Highways magazine from my uncle. We lived in Ohio. Suki Anderson Art director Elvis cologne. Bart Galloway Contributing artist One year I got a creamcolored cashmere glove and scarf set from my grandmother. Beautiful. Luxuriously soft. Only, I had given her the same set the previous year. Poor woman had re-gifted and didn't realize it. It wasn't the worst gift, but writing the thank-you note felt strange. Mary Chellis Austin Associate editor/special publications I'm a huge Taylor Swift fan (don't judge) so for my birthday a couple years ago my husband decided to surprise me with tickets to her concert! He handed me a birthday card and inside the card was a picture of Taylor with a note saying he was buying tickets to her show when they went on sale the following week. I actually cried I was so excited! Thing is, her concert sold out in record time. No Taylor Swift for me. Elyse Heckenkamp Advertising production designer

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