Louisville Magazine

OCT 2013

Louisville Magazine is Louisville's city magazine, covering Louisville people, lifestyles, politics, sports, restaurants, entertainment and homes. Includes a monthly calendar of events.

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and, Susi likes to say, "a hint of mayo." No crazy jelly or aioli. Just the basics, fresh, not afterthoughts like at too many places. "It's what I perceive as a classic burger," Bill says. "Some places put way too much stuf on it." Monkey Wrench (1025 Barret Ave.) Te Monkey Burger typically costs $11.50. Fried green tomatoes, onion straws, bacon, pickles, fries as a topping, lettuce, slaw, fried egg and aioli. Get one on Tuesday nights for $6.50, or about a dollar per blocked artery. Day 26 Shiraz (several area locations) When I leave my dentist on Frankfort Avenue, I notice a burger advertisement at Shiraz, the local Mediterranean chain. Why the hell not? Te tomatoes are grilled like on a kabob. Same with the onions. Te chipotle aioli seeps through an opening in the pretzel, which is a little tough. Day 27 Relish (1346 River Road) and Lone Ranger Trail. Black-and-white squares on the foor, red-and-white on the tablecloths. I order one to go. Tis is what I hear while waiting 10 minutes at the counter: "I know, I know. You don't want ice." "See ya tomorrow, Arthur." "Hi, Hollywood." "Whaddya say, Smiley?" Stick with the pancakes. Rubbie£s (6905 Southside Drive) Four burgers, one day. Gotta stick to the diet. I fnish Grind's and this one, which reminds me of the Dizzy Whizz. the top ten the top ten 1. Game 2. Harvest Day 29 Eiderdown (983 Goss Ave.) "Do you want ketchup?" the waitress asks. "Nope," I say. I've learned. Te fries are fried twice. "Belgian-style," the waitress says. Tey are the best fries in town. Only way I can describe them is my mouth feels like it does when I eat buttered movie theater popcorn. It comes on naan, with a shallot jam, avocado, Manchego cheese, and smoked paprika aioli. Tis is the healthiest thing I've eaten all month. Comes with a lemony salad on the side, too. I know what you want to say, because several people do: "You're like that one guy from that movie." Tey are referring to Morgan Spurlock and his documentary Super Size Me, which chronicled the month in which he ate McDonald's for three meals a day. I lost six pounds. Eat nothing but burgers, shed the weight! Home Run Burgers (several area locations) 4. Shady Lane Cafe Day 30 Bourbons Bistro (2255 Frankfort Ave.) 3. Holy Grale I think I'm tiring of burgers. Te only thing I write in my journal: "Wish I could have (my wife's) pork chop." After I fnish "researching" this story, my plan is to take a month-long burger sabbatical, maybe eat 38 pieces of tofu in 31 days. Day 28 Grind (food truck) Never mind: More than any other, I've been craving the salty-sweet B&B; — the bestseller with bacon, Brie and a habañero jelly — since fnishing this story. Jerry£s J-Boy (4832 Dixie Highway) Te Elvis theme carries over to the wallpaper border. Te "special sauce"? Tartar. Frontier Diner (7299 Dixie Highway) Te theme is old-timey Coke, with kitschy street signs that say Andy Grifth Highway MilkWood (316 W. Main St., in the basement of Actors Theatre) Two thin patties like at Silver Dollar. Te sun-dried tomato ketchup makes it sweet like at Grind. Tis is going to sound absurd, and maybe it's because I'm delirious after 37 burgers, but the chips that come with it taste like lemon Girl Scout cookies. 5. Grind 6. Mussel and Burger Bar Day 31 My 38th burger in 31 days has lettuce, tomato, pickles, mayonnaise, onions, mustard and ketchup. "Classic" is how the menu describes it. "Big League or Li'l League?" the young woman at the cash register asks. She's wondering if I want two patties or one. Time to celebrate. I get the double. Of all 38, there are nine I wouldn't go out of my way to eat. But I'd even have those nine again. Tis town has Obsessive Cow Disorder for good reason. Te woman at Home Run Burgers who delivers burger 38 to my table says, "It's a sloppy good ole thang." She's talking about my fnal burger but might as well be describing my past month. Te following afternoon, my wife and I head to a friend's place for a cookout. I eat a hot dog. 7. Burger Boy 8. Bunz Burgerz 9. Eiderdown 10. Jack Fry£s 10.13 LOUISVILLE MAGAZINE 61

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