Louisville Magazine

OCT 2013

Louisville Magazine is Louisville's city magazine, covering Louisville people, lifestyles, politics, sports, restaurants, entertainment and homes. Includes a monthly calendar of events.

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Day 12 Day 15 Day 20 English mufn as bun, at least seven inches total of beef, tomatoes, lettuce and onion. I'd have to be able to unhinge my jaw like one of those giant rainforest snakes to even attempt a frst bite. My suggestion: Te kitchen should scrap the toppings skyscraper and throw some green-chili wontons on there. When I moved to town, Patrick's Burger (with barbecue sauce, bacon and Cheddar) was my go-to. Pretty sure it used to be bigger than this. Te cheese: thick rectangles of jalapeño Jack. Te sweet plantains on the side complement the heat from the chile aioli. Had the plantains been used as a topping, Mayan would be in the top fve. Bristol (several area locations) Day 13 Silver Dollar (1761 Frankfort Ave.) It's a double, two thin patties. I pull them apart so I can spread on a little of the homemade sweet ketchup. A great test for me has been not using ketchup, which I now realize has saved many mediocre burgers over the years. Also on the menu: the Slopper, an open-faced double with melted Jack cheese and a green-chile demiglace. If you can't pick it up with two hands, it's not a burger. And there's no such thing as a vegetarian burger. Don't care if the black beans are shaped like a patty. Day 14 Game (2295 Lexington Road) "If there's one thing I'm a Nazi about, it's pattying," says Adam Burress, who runs Game and Hammerheads with his friend Chase Mucerino. "We do not press our burgers. No smashing. We keep as much air in the meat as possible to keep it fufer and juicier. We just baby the hell out of it." I go with the Angus, although a zoo of animals (from antelope to kangaroo) lives on the menu. Te Angus costs $7. Tat's cheaper than almost everything else on the list so far. Te kitchen grinds the Angus once, seasons it with sea salt, ground pepper, Worcestershire sauce, and a house-made steak seasoning. "We fold the meat too many times while seasoning it, so we grind it again," Burress says. He weaves the long strands of meat into a patty like he's some kind of quilter. I've never had another burger as tender. I ask Burress, 27, what kinds of burgers he liked as a kid. "Really, I started experimenting with food when I was in high school and I started smoking weed," he says. "Frozen pizzas, for munchies' sake, but then that wasn't enough so I'd look around the pantry and make the craziest things." He tells me he's been a drummer since he was nine. "I couldn't make a living in music, so this was the next best thing," he says. "Tis is artistic for me." 60 LOUISVILLE MAGAZINE 10.13 O£Shea£s (956 Baxter Ave.) Day 16 Dish on Market (434 W. Market St.) Yep, the Hot Brown burger has bacon, grilled turkey and Mornay sauce. Black-bean salsa on the Mexicali. Te Market Street has a messy jalapeño jelly and barbecue sauce and tobacco onions and Havarti cheese. It's the frst one I can't fnish. Day 17 Irish Rover (2319 Frankfort Ave.) Stick with something bangers and mash-y. Day 18 Flanagan£s (934 Baxter Ave.) I'm feeling much stronger at the gym. Must be all the protein I've practically been mainlining. Te only weird thing physically: About once a day, a sense of dread swirls deep in my chest. Makes me want to curl up under my desk. Nothing a quick hit of grease can't cure. Te Burger Orleans and its spicy andouille sausage and cayenne mayo gives me heartburn for the frst time during this project. Day 19 Bambi Bar (2701 Bardstown Road) Te lunch bartender is also manning the grill. He brings a fork and knife with my plate. "In case you need 'em," he says. Never cut a burger in half. And how's this for a toppings bar? Literally on the bar: a bear-shaped jar of honey from Kroger. Shady Lane Cafe Mayan Cafe (813 E. Market St.) Day 21 J. Graham£s Cafe (335 W. Broadway, in the Brown Hotel) Standard toppings: bacon, lettuce, tomato, onion. Te spear pinning everything in place also holds a couple obese green olives. When the plate arrives, a woman eating a Hot Brown at the table next to me says, "Now that's a hamburger. You didn't get the small one, did you?" Day 22 Jack Fry£s (1007 Bardstown Road) Tree employees ask me how it tastes. Each time, my mouth is full and I just sort of nod and roll my eyes back into my head. Must be the caramelized onions. The Exchange (118 W. Main St., New Albany) Two in one day! I've resorted to using potato chips to scoop up the excess Gorgonzola. Day 23 The Dizzy Whizz (217 W. St. Catherine St.) A Whizzburger for $3.49, with crinkly fries. Tree pieces of bread like a Big Mac, with a "white sauce." Te side of my Styrofoam water cup is slick with grease. Day 24 D. Nalley£s (970 S. Third St.) Looks like a Whizzburger to me. Of the three cash-only Old Louisville spots, I'd rank 'em Dizzy Whizz, Ollie's Trolley, D. Nalley's. Jack£s Lounge (122 Sears Ave.) Another. Pretzel. Bun. I'll admit it: It's losing a bit of its luster. Day 25 Shady Lane Cafe (4806 Brownsboro Road) Bill Smith runs the place with his wife Susi. He's 59; she's 56. He writes poetry; she likes to sing. "When customers come in on their birthday," Susi says, "I'm doing 'Happy Birthday' for them." "We have a lot of regulars," Bill says. "Been to some of their funerals." Tis burger is the month's biggest surprise. "Te fattop grill traps in the juices," Bill says. Pickles, tomato, red onions, lettuce

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